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Being a grownup sucks Journey Screw This Training Journal

Enough

My leg hurts so so bad. I’m going to bed for a while. It took me over an hour to walk what used to take me 15-20 minutes and I’m pissed off at my broken body, the world, my dog, everything because I have no control over anything at all and I’m not LIVING I’m merely EXISTING and it’s just not good enough anymore.

I should have skipped team training today. My leg was hurting, Juju was being a puppy in training and I was treating him like I expected a working dog and that’s not fair to either of us. By the time we made it down there, I was too frustrated and we didn’t feel like a team at all. There was one highlight during confidence building exercises where Journey was absolutely brilliant, and he did well with distractions today, but I was in too much pain to focus well and the trip home was disastrous. I broke down in tears more times than I can count, raged against the universe and frankly I just don’t know how much more I can take.

When is enough…enough?

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Assistance Dogs Bizarre I'm not dead yet Journey Karma Namaste Dogs Screw This Wellness

What’s going on at Camp Namaste

I apologize for the lack of updates lately. Things have been kinda insane here. I’ve been in pain for several months now and finally went to the doctor to have something done about it. I had assumed all this time that I had a hip bursitis but when I started randomly falling down (falls not related to drop attacks) I got concerned. Good thing – I don’t have a hip bursitis. What I do have is severe inflammation in my lower spine that is compressing the main nerve to my right leg. The nerve has been gradually getting pinched tighter and tighter. The doc ordered X-rays, and put me on what is basically a week of chemo drugs in an effort to reduce the inflammation as much as possible to relief some of the pressure before permanent nerve damage occurs, leaving me with a permanent limp or worse.

Despite all that, I have been sticking to my diet plan and have lost a total of 5kg so far (11 lbs) in a month, and am working hard to keep losing. Every week that the scale shows a loss, no matter how small, that’s a week I win against my body and my crappy dying thyroid. I was able to go shopping for a new outfit for a wedding I’m attending this Saturday – and buy a whole size smaller! YAY!

Karma is still enjoying her retirement. I am concerned that she seems a lot slower lately and has less energy. This spurred some preplanning thoughts and yesterday I sat down with Jen of By and By Memorials to hammer out the details for Karma’s final resting place since I know when the time comes, I will be in no position to make decisions about how I want her urn to look.

Journey and me
And last but certainly not least… Journey. This boy, since his neuter, is making progress by leaps and bounds. Every day he is making huge strides forward in his training and I’m confident that soon enough, he will be ready to start taking over Karma’s duties and we will have a beautiful partnership. I’m learning to trust that he can and will be able to take care of me, and that’s a great thing.
Categories
Screw This

Oh Joy

OK so here’s the deal with me…. it’s hip bursitis, exactly what I thought it was. The bad news is… treatment options are extremely limited. I can take anti-inflammatories and painkillers every day, but put myself at risk of liver damage, ulcer or both – so not really an option. Put heat on it when it’s bothering me (which is pretty much all the time now), stay off it and rest – but the Catch 22 is… doc says it’s exacerbated by my weight, which was brought on by my Hashimoto’s.

So to get any relief from the constant pain, I need to drop at least 15-20 kgs (I actually need to lose 29 now, but doc says I won’t notice any relief until 15-20) – but due to the Hashi’s it’s a slow going road, so basically… I am going to be in agony until September or October. At that point, having dropped 15-20 kg – roughly 35-45 lbs – if I am still in pain, I’m looking at surgery with a long recovery period.

All this and my assistance dog retired early, my new dog in training won’t be ready until end of the year minimum… and I can’t hurry up and train him faster – his joints and bones take however long they take, can’t hurry up physical maturity – I’m most likely in for forearm crutches or a cane, because I don’t have a mobility dog to help right now. And NONE of that is going to get rid of the pain.

Sigh.