I am so sorry, Karma

Crap…. here come the tears again.

I am so so sorry, Karma. I knew the end of our time together was coming sooner rather than later, and I so desperately wanted to send you out on a high note. You were doing so well, I never saw that Sunday coming. Saturday you were fine, better than fine, you were great. And Sunday came. And you weren’t. I didn’t want your last day to be like that. I knew you would tell me when you were ready, and you did, but I wish so much that it hadn’t been like that, that you would have gradually slowed down and we would have had time to prepare for a proper send-off. I am sorry that I let you down and I let you fall and couldn’t catch you. You never ever let me fall and I am so so sorry. I’m sorry I got you those cheeseburgers and ice cream too late. I’m sorry I found your favourite collar too late. I’m sorry you used the very last bit of strength you had to walk just one more time across the street to the doctor and I am so very sorry that we said goodbye.

I just wish I could hold you one more time and tell you all these things. I miss you so much.



Karma’s Wish

Friends, family…. many of you have expressed a desire to help me and my family with the cost of a nice urn for Karma. I thank you all so much for caring about my girl and wanting to help. We have a perfect resting place for my beloved girl all sorted. That said – if there was every anything my Karma would want, it would be to help someone else in need, rather than herself. Paying it forward was what Karma was all about. So I ask this of you – instead of helping cover the costs of Karma’s resting place, we ask that you help another future service dog realise his potential and hopefully one day be as great as she was. 

Please help Karma and I continue her life’s work of making dreams come true, and make a donation in Karma’s memory. Thank you all, from the bottom of our hearts.

EDITED: Thank you all, Karma’s wish has been fulfilled!


Why Don’t They Tell You These Things?

What they don’t tell you is how you’ll sit there second guessing every single thing you ever did, or didn’t do, or maybe should have done.

They don’t tell you that you will go over it all a million times in your head – should I have gotten her more treats, did we do enough stuff together, after Journey came did we have enough quality time together or did she think I loved him more, should I have taken her out first every day instead of him, should we have done more one on one walks instead of me trying to save time and take both out at once, why did I get frustrated with her sometimes for being slow in her old age, why wasn’t I more understanding when we had to go to four different parks just so she’d find THE PERFECT poop spot, did I hug her enough, did I love her enough so she’d know she was the very best part of every single day, does she know I can’t breathe without her?

They tell you it will be awful, it will hurt, it gets better with time, that’s what they say…

But they don’t tell you that you’ll ask yourself why you didn’t get a large freezer sooner so that you wouldn’t have to feed her kibble for a year. They don’t tell you that you’ll ask yourself what if you didn’t forget her medication a day or two – what if I didn’t forget? Would she still be here? What if we started it sooner?

They don’t tell you that you’ll ask yourself why you didn’t buy more wubbas, why you didn’t spend more time outside, why you didn’t let her sneak up on the couch more often even if it was against the house rules, what if you gave her bottled water instead of tap…

They don’t tell you that all the love in the world would never be enough.